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The adman’s exit exam
As creatively and convincingly as you can, explain why it is wrong to be a hypocrite.
‘Gabby tells me you’re a bit of a one for the animals, Bailey,’ said the voice in my head. ‘Do you even love animals or is it just something you use to pull girls? Don’t you dare get down on bended knee! You’re lying to yourself! You’re lying to me! And, worse, you’re lying to the chickens! It is my destiny, dear people. Hi, Bailey! It’s Fergus! Shit! That is a proper police car, monkey! Tell me about Sunny Queen Eggs, monkey. Get out! Get out! Before I call the police! They’ll be round these parts every Sunday til February now. I’m Charlie Chabot! Do you think we’re bad people? You are a couple of opportunist leeches no more worthy than them. If you’re calling to congratulate Gabriel and I on our engagement, there is no engagement. How could you think it was okay to pretend to be rich?!! Daftness never built owt worth leaving oop. That’s a shiny wheelbarrow you’ve got there. Hi, Bailey! It’s Fergus! You say you can’t handle seeing animal cruelty. But you’ve seen this and you’re still functioning. They’re in there all the time. The images. The misery. How can I get it through to you that an inbuilt talent for hypocrisy is a crucial prerequisite of my job! Tell me about Sunny Queen Eggs, monkey. That’s all he does all day, all day he slits the tummies. A little sandy haired, smiley boy. They’re in there all the time. The images. The misery. There are other more creative uses for this camera. Can you loosen my ankles a bit? Hi, Bailey! It’s Fergus! Tell me about Sunny Queen Eggs, monkey. I don’t feel anythink (sic) at all. That’s my job. We don’t hunt. We just shoot them. I’m…going to… you know, b-butcher them for our own use. I sent them this morning. I admit it! That’s me! I’d advertise cigarettes if there was a quid in it! It never goes away. It messes with your mind, torments you constantly. The only thing bigger than Andrew Sandham, the footballer…is Andrew Sandham the celebrity. The small joeys are killed by the Code of Practice, which is a sharp blow to the back of the head. That cat is his fly. Tell me about Sunny Queen Eggs, monkey. Tell me about Sunny Queen Eggs, monkey. Tell me about Sunny Queen Eggs, Monkey. It messes with your mind, torments you constantly. It messes with your mind, torments you constantly. It messes with your mind, torments you constantly. The only way to get any peace is to fight. I have to fight.’
It is my destiny, dear people.
Now, equally creatively and convincingly, explain why it is right to be a hypocrite.
Because…because…because…
